I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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