so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize