I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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