ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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