..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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