SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
