I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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