You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
