my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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