Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
