Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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