yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
