i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
