He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
