i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
