My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
