nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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