i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
