yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
