i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
