i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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