My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
