I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
