I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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