I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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