Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize