is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When are your genitals available?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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