hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
