would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
