You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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