Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize