Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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