I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
