Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
