I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize