the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
