Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
