Redeem this text for a blowjob
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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