saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
a search helicopter?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
