oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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