you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm passing your future prison.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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