She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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