At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
