from now on my penis is your penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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