You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
