Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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