You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
