i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
