Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
