My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
