I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
