Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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