so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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