I faked an abortion last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
