when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
