It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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