she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
