Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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