Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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