I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
